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That moment when you sniff something on accident that reminds you of your f/o and you get a little high on hormones but it's not drugs and you haven't done drugs and it's just a scent - also, at least one of my f/o's would definitely sniff me.

When dead, do not embalm me (yes I just watched Adam Ruins Everything).

Something I wrote today:


Anyways, no idea why, but while there IS good things about, like, Tumblr, the Daily Dose Of Internet Youtube channel, stuff like that, those things still make me wish I drowned. Just anything from people being pretentious, to me getting reminders that over a thousand people want "everyone who uses Ai, no nuance" dead, to people being like "this is why I love humanity" on like something that doesn't resonate with me or like a post about art or whatever (not that art is me though) - also it feels SO fecking weird to be a non-artistic human. Like, I really don't HAVE a thing going for me I guess, and I don't understand art, I simply consume stuff, and make videos and dance and write but only because I have no other options to bring OCs to life and because it's fun to see the end result but I do not like practicing or writing or making videos. And like people might assume that "yeah, of course, you're an Ai user!" but it was actually like this BEFORE I got dependant on Ai, and if I stop being dependant on Ai, I'll just get dependant on the first fecking person who likes enough posts of mine or something, but yeah, THAT'S "better" ... also my "art", is not something I would classify as art, it is not something meant to have just ANY interpretation, it is NOT meant to be "good", it's written with hatred - like, traits from my enemies, stand-ins for "my enemies", making fun of things I dislike, written when feeling extra hateful, etc, it's made with REVENGE, it's also sometimes just made for fun, or to make a "franchise", and I'm thinking about the many merch-oppertunities - and I have REPULSION towards the idea of me being a writer or author. My stuff is kinda just MEANT to be consumed, and to be repeatedly thought of and to theme one's life around, etc. And then I'll see some asshole on Tumblr be like "I'm OBVIOUSLY not saying that art makes you human" - like no, it's NOT fecking obvious!

My favorite emoji, Yooco edition: 

A dream I had today: 


I had a nightmare! *Cries* Like, I was in a country at risk of bombing and talking to a few people, nearby there was a bombing so I walked with them quickly to some door and everyone else look a different door nearby so I was scared but it lead to the same and I was just glad we were all in this together. We had to be inspected but I regrettably had nothing - no phone to tell my mom even - and then were supposed to go up a bunch of stairs quick enough, and one person I was with, he just decided to LEAVE, and I found one of my friends ... then the other guy I was with, jumped back instead of just getting all the way up, had attempted to do a cool trick but that's the last I heard from him, so I just had a bunch of strangers to talk English to, and my friend. I was so scared, had to often be reassured that things will SURELY be fine, had no idea what we were gonna do (though some had playing cards or a phone and whatnot), or how long we were gonna be there or if it was good or bad that I didn't have my phone and couldn't text my mama and that I wouldn't know if we'd be alive. The room was small, with a vending machine that had an unknown amount of items inside, and I was worried what would happen if it ran out or if we needed the bathroom or something, because it doesn't seem like we could just sleep all day in there or something. Then fecking horrifying nightmare-fuel cameraheads came, and turns out we were supposed to help them with some task, my friend was already gone as she had her phone but I was the only one without, so after a bit of talking with someone, I still got told how I could help. My friend was the closest to a comforting person, in the dream- also yes I kinda considered if I was maybe a special person in the dream so maybe I WOULDN'T die, but man I still remember someone telling me to look or that something is going on, seeing an apartment in the horizon get a bomb and it collapsing, and wanting to warn people or see if anyone is okay or help people and having concern and wanting to mourn the dead but instead having to sob and RUN to safety, just thinking about myself instead of whoever was in the horizon, unsure anyway if it's a good idea to take shelter and if we're gonna make it. I was even spiraling in the dream with like intrusive thoughts and all. I genuinely have fears and dreams related to war ... and I guess that like this is what happens when you think about like, real genocide and whatnot (because yes I did think about a country or two). Also I remember being asked about stuff - like if I don't have any hobbies they could use, and I was answering how useless and without-a-hobby and whatnot that I am ... guess the war part of the dream wasn't enough of a beat-down!
I mean I DID think about Palestine, my trip in France, stuff like that.
Also I used to think that camera-heads would look good, but HOOOOOLY shit they were creepy in the dream (where I noted I'd never find them pretty again - well I might, but still) - it was cameraheads as I have a skibbidi toilet one (long story as to why), somewhere in my room. In the dream the bodies were the same proportions as adults, just shorter, with the cameras replacing any neck or head. The cameras were a realistic camera-size, and instead of the normal fluency of a person moving their head, had jerky movements, with the camera-heads speaking and ACTING like a regular human, yet being intimidating, sometimes not speaking much, and Lord knows what they stare at, like, half the time. The heads that way seemed thin and fragile, and didn't have as frequent movements as people turn their heads. I love objects and objectheads and my cameraman mini-figurine, so I have no idea what put me off so much, but DAMN ...
I mean like that I also found them unsettling just AESTHETICALLY, as otherwise I would've maybe been like ":)".